I know almost everybody is facing or had experienced this thing. It is the time when you have finished your studies. It is the time when the "real life" starts to set in. It is the time when you have no idea which way you are going to. Well for me, I'd like to stop the time and get stuck in here, going nowhere. Or move backward. I know it doesn't feel quite alright and impossible. Someday I will just have to go somewhere.
We just spent so many years as a child, teenager - dreaming about what our future will be like, how many cars we're going to have, how cute our children will be. Then suddenly - it's right upon us. And it's nothing as glamorous and exciting as we thought it would be. Lost. We're lost. Or maybe just me. I am.
I have finished my study 2 years ago. I was taking what the majority of my friends were taking : Accounting and Finance. I had no passion at all. I was satisfied with just "Pass". I did my assignments mostly during the last minutes. There were some nights that I had Ayu taught me so passionately for the sake of me passing the subject, even when I was prepared to fail the subject. I was thankful to have her. And I passed the subjects. Graduation ceremony felt nothing like excitement. It was just plain. Well I was happy to throw the hat though. I had no clue about working and stuff. What I had in mind was going to China to learn Chinese - well almost everybody does that ! I knew deep down inside my heart that I was trying to escape the reality by learning Chinese there. I still wanted to have fun as a teenager, when in fact I wasn't anymore. I was 21.I didn't want to have any responsibility. Well of course I had been doing a lot of deep thinkings about many kinds of business ideas. I bought lots of books to inspire me. Yet nothing did. I was scared. I felt like I wasn't prepared.
One day my cousin, who now lives in the USA, was chatting with me. He encouraged me to get the Permanent Residency (PR) in Australia. He said that I shouldn't give up the opportunity, since a lot of people want to get PR but they can't afford to pay the tuition fees for the university. FYI : People will just have to complete a degree in Australia in order to be eligible for applying. So I decided to do so.
I had a casual job as a stocktaker during my times at uni. When I told a workmate that I had graduated, she asked me what I was going to do. I said I was going to apply for PR and maybe get a job, but I wasn't sure. I remembered she said "That's good, so you don't have to burden your parents financially. When you finished your uni, you should be able to stand on your own feet". Those words slapped me some senses. I was getting money from my parents and I didn't feel guilty. Until that moment. Then I decided to try it. I tried to live with the money that I earn myself. But the rent is the exception. I won't be able to survive paying all the rent and the food just by working as a stocktaker. I wasn't even a senior stocktaker.
Half a year passed and I was still doing the stocktake. Everyone around me was desperately looking for a professional job, while I was really reluctant just to think about it. I knew I was supposed to look for a job in an office which is related to what I had studied. I kept dodging that thoughts and kept doing the stocktake. Until the HR Coordinator from my stocktake company sent me an email, letting me know that there was a position available as an Accounts Assistant. I copied my friends' resumes, combined them and made some changes then submit the job application. Tada! Done!
A week later I got the call. I was called for an interview for that job. I was really happy but a bit scared and sad. I can't really explain why there was a bit of sadness in me. Maybe I wasn't really prepared to work. Well I went to the interview anyway. It took only 5 minutes. Basically we just went through my resume. The HR Coordinator had known me for almost 2 years at that time, so it was great. There was no complicated questions just like what my friends got in the "REAL INTERVIEW". I was thankful. Two days later, I was confirmed that I got the job. I was lucky.
Three months had passed and I felt sick of doing 9-5. I had a great boss. The best boss I ever had who always gave me many kinds of snacks and lunches. The best boss who told so many jokes and stories. I had a great workmate beside me too! I had the easiest job ever. I didn't have to come at exactly 9am and go home at exactly 5pm. I could come and go whenever I want. I could go to Box Hill and took 2 hours lunch break (I did that only once!). I had more than enough money in the bank to pay for my own expenses. I knew I was really fortunate. I knew I should thank the stars above for all those great things. Yet I was fucking bored. I felt like I was living my life as a zombie during Monday to Friday, coming back to life again only during weekends.
Seven months after that I quit. I decided I was going back to Indonesia for good. I had no idea what the hell I was going to do there but I thought that I couldn't live my life Mon-Fri 9-5 for the rest of my life. I am just so not a fan of 9-5!
Then some problems came and just kept coming and I got really depressed. I got tired of everything. I got tired of all the dramas. I got tired of all the shit. I got tired of all the lies. I was lost. I got tired of fake people. I got tired of being fake to those fake people. I got tired of life. I needed a break. So I thought I was giving myself a break until this end of the year. Then I will make up my mind. Meanwhile I just want to have fun. I want to find something new. I want to be inspired. I want to feel alive. Some people may think I am a slacker who is wasting my time that I am going to regret it someday. But hey, it's my life! What do you know about life anyway? We're just moments. We'll die eventually. No one is ever going to get out of this life alive! So suck it up! I am so stressed that I need a break! Yes, I deserve a break. Well I am just bitter at the moment so excuse my harsh words.
It's the quarter life crisis.
How I wish life was going the other way around. There was a saying and it is my favorite quote at the moment :
We just spent so many years as a child, teenager - dreaming about what our future will be like, how many cars we're going to have, how cute our children will be. Then suddenly - it's right upon us. And it's nothing as glamorous and exciting as we thought it would be. Lost. We're lost. Or maybe just me. I am.
I have finished my study 2 years ago. I was taking what the majority of my friends were taking : Accounting and Finance. I had no passion at all. I was satisfied with just "Pass". I did my assignments mostly during the last minutes. There were some nights that I had Ayu taught me so passionately for the sake of me passing the subject, even when I was prepared to fail the subject. I was thankful to have her. And I passed the subjects. Graduation ceremony felt nothing like excitement. It was just plain. Well I was happy to throw the hat though. I had no clue about working and stuff. What I had in mind was going to China to learn Chinese - well almost everybody does that ! I knew deep down inside my heart that I was trying to escape the reality by learning Chinese there. I still wanted to have fun as a teenager, when in fact I wasn't anymore. I was 21.I didn't want to have any responsibility. Well of course I had been doing a lot of deep thinkings about many kinds of business ideas. I bought lots of books to inspire me. Yet nothing did. I was scared. I felt like I wasn't prepared.
One day my cousin, who now lives in the USA, was chatting with me. He encouraged me to get the Permanent Residency (PR) in Australia. He said that I shouldn't give up the opportunity, since a lot of people want to get PR but they can't afford to pay the tuition fees for the university. FYI : People will just have to complete a degree in Australia in order to be eligible for applying. So I decided to do so.
I had a casual job as a stocktaker during my times at uni. When I told a workmate that I had graduated, she asked me what I was going to do. I said I was going to apply for PR and maybe get a job, but I wasn't sure. I remembered she said "That's good, so you don't have to burden your parents financially. When you finished your uni, you should be able to stand on your own feet". Those words slapped me some senses. I was getting money from my parents and I didn't feel guilty. Until that moment. Then I decided to try it. I tried to live with the money that I earn myself. But the rent is the exception. I won't be able to survive paying all the rent and the food just by working as a stocktaker. I wasn't even a senior stocktaker.
Half a year passed and I was still doing the stocktake. Everyone around me was desperately looking for a professional job, while I was really reluctant just to think about it. I knew I was supposed to look for a job in an office which is related to what I had studied. I kept dodging that thoughts and kept doing the stocktake. Until the HR Coordinator from my stocktake company sent me an email, letting me know that there was a position available as an Accounts Assistant. I copied my friends' resumes, combined them and made some changes then submit the job application. Tada! Done!
A week later I got the call. I was called for an interview for that job. I was really happy but a bit scared and sad. I can't really explain why there was a bit of sadness in me. Maybe I wasn't really prepared to work. Well I went to the interview anyway. It took only 5 minutes. Basically we just went through my resume. The HR Coordinator had known me for almost 2 years at that time, so it was great. There was no complicated questions just like what my friends got in the "REAL INTERVIEW". I was thankful. Two days later, I was confirmed that I got the job. I was lucky.
Three months had passed and I felt sick of doing 9-5. I had a great boss. The best boss I ever had who always gave me many kinds of snacks and lunches. The best boss who told so many jokes and stories. I had a great workmate beside me too! I had the easiest job ever. I didn't have to come at exactly 9am and go home at exactly 5pm. I could come and go whenever I want. I could go to Box Hill and took 2 hours lunch break (I did that only once!). I had more than enough money in the bank to pay for my own expenses. I knew I was really fortunate. I knew I should thank the stars above for all those great things. Yet I was fucking bored. I felt like I was living my life as a zombie during Monday to Friday, coming back to life again only during weekends.
Seven months after that I quit. I decided I was going back to Indonesia for good. I had no idea what the hell I was going to do there but I thought that I couldn't live my life Mon-Fri 9-5 for the rest of my life. I am just so not a fan of 9-5!
Then some problems came and just kept coming and I got really depressed. I got tired of everything. I got tired of all the dramas. I got tired of all the shit. I got tired of all the lies. I was lost. I got tired of fake people. I got tired of being fake to those fake people. I got tired of life. I needed a break. So I thought I was giving myself a break until this end of the year. Then I will make up my mind. Meanwhile I just want to have fun. I want to find something new. I want to be inspired. I want to feel alive. Some people may think I am a slacker who is wasting my time that I am going to regret it someday. But hey, it's my life! What do you know about life anyway? We're just moments. We'll die eventually. No one is ever going to get out of this life alive! So suck it up! I am so stressed that I need a break! Yes, I deserve a break. Well I am just bitter at the moment so excuse my harsh words.
It's the quarter life crisis.
How I wish life was going the other way around. There was a saying and it is my favorite quote at the moment :
“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...
...and you finish off as an orgasm.”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
